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Harry Nelson was born in Collins, Mississippi in 1950 and was raised by his mother in a small house. They were not rich, but they had each other. He found his calling at an early age when he heard a disc jockey at a local radio station introducing music and he was hooked. It wasn’t until many years later that I met Harry through some mutual friends. I was drawn to him right away because he had an infectious smile and southern drawl that he acquired as a child. Despite his travels around the country, he never lost either of these things.

Let me try to explain to you why everyone needs…a friend like Harry. Harry Nelson worked in radio pretty much his entire adult life. He excelled in huge markets such as San Fransisco, New York, Denver, and Boston, but it was a small station in Maine that made him finally feel at home. He settled there and never left. Married once, but never having children, Harry was a legend in the radio world, but unknown to the rest of the world. He was an unassuming and humble man who would do anything for his friends. Friends that scattered the country and became his family. If you knew Harry, you loved Harry…it was simple as that.

Harry’s health started to deteriorate when he hit his mid 60s, but he never lost his zest for life, or those who he shared it with. I lived pretty close to Harry, so I started going to visit more often and helping out in small ways to make things more comfortable for him. He lived alone with his beloved cats, but his family of friends called him constantly. That mass of friends was there for Harry because he was always there for them.

There was no stress or drama when you were around Harry. His positivity could brighten a room and I never recall him saying a disparaging word about anyone. He greeted everyone with that loud booming, “Hey Buddddd”. We would often go for drives and grab a bite to eat, and Harry was ever so appreciative. Little did he know that it was I who appreciated his stories and friendship. Harry Nelson lived his best life despite that hand that he was dealt at birth. He fought for what he wanted and worked hard to achieve it. He once asked me to grab a folder from an old bureau and I came across dozens of photographs of Harry standing with the likes of Tom Petty, Dwight Yoakam, and other music industry stars. They weren’t framed and hanging from his walls…they were collecting dust in a yellow file folder. That was Harry Nelson, humble, unassuming, and a champions for others.

Harry made some careers take off in the music world, but he never took credit for that. Instead, he gave that credit to the artists. A more selfless and kind man you’d be hard pressed to find. The picture that accompanies this blog is one of my favorites for two reasons…Harry loved to visit my family at the campground we stay at in the summer, and the other person in the picture is my actual best friend of well over 50 years, Jim Fahey. Those friendships were and are so important to me because I am in search of quality, not quantity when it comes to friends.

Harry Nelson left this world almost two years ago. I still miss my friend and there are so many others out there who do the same. He impacted so many lives and asked for nothing in return. He simply wanted you to be nice to him as he was always nice to you! That is why everyone needs…a friend like Harry. I sure hope you have one or find one at some point.

Is the War on Drugs worth fighting? That question has been asked many time by many people. I am not a subject matter expert, but I did spend 30 years witnessing the ravages of drug abuse and addiction while working as a police officer. I also spent over 5 years working specifically on drug crimes while serving as an agent for the Maine Drug Enforcement Agency. I dare say that the only subject matter experts are those who have lost everything because of their addiction. You could also add the surviving family members who lost a son, daughter, grandchild, or other relative to a fatal overdose. There is no doubt that drugs kill, but our overall approach to dealing with the drug epidemic is only exasperating the problem. Many states have started to decriminalize the use and possession of small amounts of illicit drugs such as Heroin and Cocaine. When the “Government” legalizes something, what message does that send to our kids and other impressionable citizens? It tells them that it must be okay…this started with the legalization of Marijuana for “medicinal purposes”, which was clearly just the inroad to ultimate legalization. Oh, look how far we’ve come with that.

The War on Drugs should be fought to preserve our country, it can be fought using a basic premise that I will soon explain, and it must be fought if we truly care about our citizens. Addiction is all encompassing…you need that drug or substance to get through the day. The withdrawals are agonizing, but more often than not they will only make you want to die instead of actually killing you. The drug world is a nasty world to live in. It brings out the worst in people and is never pretty. Don’t believe me, check this out.

https://www.methproject.org/answers/will-using-meth-change-how-i-look.html#Mug-Shot-Match-Up

The drug trade is a business, plain and simple. Those selling the drugs are doing it purely for profit, or to support their own addiction. Neither is good, but a distinction should be made between the two. Like any war, the War on Drugs must be fought on many fronts. A one-sided approach will do little to stem the flow of drugs into our streets, protect our citizens from fatal overdoses, or reduce the demand for the now often fatal poison. We will never eliminate all illegal drugs, but we can sure do a lot better than we are now. You have to have the want, the will, and the where with all to make a difference before a difference can be made.

I believe that the stool method is a great starting point when it comes to combatting the drug crisis. A stool has three legs and those legs need to be equal ,or the stool will wobble or fall over. Each leg on the War on Drugs stool would have a different, yet equally important component.

Leg #1 – Prevention…we need to realistically educate our youth to the dangers of using drugs (even once) because an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. We fall well short here, but there is sure room for improvement!!! DARE is a great program, but it educates the wrong students. Most kids in 3rd and 4th grade don’t even know what drugs are, but what realistic education is there for kids entering middle or high school?

Leg #2 – Enforcement…we need to hold people accountable for their actions. Merely accepting drug addiction as a “disease” does nothing to entice those addicted to put the work in to get and remain clean and sober. We need to demonize illegal drugs and those selling them to our kids, regardless of their race, creed, religion, or background. We as a society have become soft on crime. We have turned into a “Not my fault” country and we’re quick to blame someone or something else for our wrongdoing. Without accountability, there is no incentive to stop bad behavior or actions. People are dying daily and the first step towards solving a problem is admitting you have one. We need to support law enforcement and incarcerate criminals instead of coddling them.

Leg #3 – Rehabilitation…those addicted to drugs should have a pathways to rehabilitation which will offer them an opportunity to get sober. Life is all about opportunity and seizing it. Those addicted need to put in the work and have the want to stay sober. Nobody can do that for them. If they fail, perhaps they get another chance? If they continuously fail, when does personal responsibility kick in? When do they go to jail? When do we as a society protect them from themselves because they clearly can’t do it on their own. More importantly, when do we protect us from them?

These are all tough questions and the answers are plentiful, but we need to start having these conversations. Close to 100,000 citizens died from drug overdoses in the US in 2022. If this isn’t reason enough to make serious changes…what is?

We did this to ourselves over the course of a few short years. This photo could have been taken in Portland, Oregon or Portland, Maine…it was the latter. It really doesn’t matter because scenes such as this one are commonplace in any decent sized “Progressive” city. How did we get here? How did homelessness and filth overtake our once proud and clean cities? We as a collective society have allowed it to happen and it may be too late to turn things around.

I was a statewide drug agent in the early 2000’s and I was shocked when I realized the extent of the drug problem during that time period. Heroin was killing people, but Fentanyl had not entered the drug pipeline yet. I had been a police officer for 13 years when I started investigating drug cases in the Portland, Maine area. I saw firsthand the evil grip of addiction as well as the need for greed by drug dealers who sold purely for profit. It is a dirty business, but it is a business nonetheless. I had one simple goal while fighting the war on drugs for over 5 years…keep the drug trade underground and out of view of the law abiding citizens and children. I tried to offer help for those addicted and a jail cell for those who strictly dealt to make money.

Our criminal justice system has eroded in many ways since then. Lawmakers have decriminalized the possession of specific drugs, marijuana has become a tax producing commodity, criminal activity has become acceptable and rarely prosecuted, and the laws and foundational principals that this country were founded on have been gutted and redefined. We have done this to ourselves.

I am not picking a side politically because I am not a fan of many, if any politicians. Our legislative bodies are the law making branch of government and they dictate the rules and policies that govern our behavior. Laws are only meaningful if they are adhered to and prosecuted fairly and across the board. We have laws on the books, but there seems to be no will to enforce them. We excuse bad and criminal behavior and coddle those committing it. When there are no consequences for bad actions, those committing them have no need or incentive to stop. This simple premise starts when we are children and hopefully it is ingrained in us when we reach adulthood. Everything is somebody else’s fault now and personal responsibility has been thrown out the window.

I empathize with the homeless, but we must ask ourselves how and why it has become so prevalent in recent years. Because we allow it…that’s why. We let squatters put up tents wherever they want and we leave them there for fear of stigmatizing them. We allow open air drug markets because we decided to treat those possessing and using illegal drugs as patients with a medical issue instead of criminals who should be offered rehabilitation options. The police have had their hands tied, the prosecutors dismiss or diminish criminal cases regularly, and only the worst of the worst are held in a jail or prison for any period of time. We the people have allowed this to happen because we elect the people who make these laws. We become complacent and don’t actively participate in the “process” because in most cases we live in a bubble protected from the insanity around us.

I believe there are good intentions that lead to terrible consequences. We have seriously mentally ill people walking the streets because individual choice has superseded public safety. We as a society don’t want to label people, upset people, or challenge people…so innocent people get hurt or killed. We need to find a balance between compassion and enabling. We need to stop blaming others for the state of our country and start asking what we can do to change it. We need to accept the fact that there are some really bad and dangerous people walking the streets who should be behind bars. How about we provide people with the opportunity to turn their lives around while also holding them accountable for their actions?

We did this…period. We allowed the degradation of our values and principals while trying to be more understanding of those in need of help. Those who suffer the most are the law abiding citizens who become victims of those who in many cases shouldn’t be walking the streets in the first place. We have become fearful and hesitant to speak our mind because others are quick to label or attack us. Our silence and inaction only perpetuates the growing problem, which has no end or solution in sight. This is not leadership…this is chaos and the decay of our country.

It was 1998 and I was a fairly new detective. I was sent to a reported robbery where two young girls had been tied up and threatened by a group of men. When I arrived, I found a chaotic scene with clothes and personal items strewn around the apartment. I hadn’t even spoken to the victims yet, but I was in over my head and reached out for help. I called my boss at the time and explained the situation. He uttered four simple words that changed the path of my career, “You can handle it”.

He was right…I thought that I needed assistance, but what I really needed was to believe in myself. I needed to call upon the training and experience that I had acquired over the years and put them to use. It was one of the most challenging cases that I investigated in my 30 years as a cop, but I managed to find justice for those girls. I did eventually need help to clear the case, but that came from law enforcement officials in several states, as well as the families of those young girls. It was the ultimate team effort, but 5 men were charged federally and I was able to keep the promise that I made to the girls the day that they were robbed. I stayed in touch with one of the girls, who was 7 years old at the time, and she is now a happy healthy adult. Solving that case was a highlight of my career, but being invited to Alex’s wedding with my wife was a highlight of my life…

Most of us remember major events that occur during our lives, good and bad, but how often do we put stock in the little things? We often underestimate the power of the spoken word, the silent gesture, or act of kindness. I often wonder how that case would have turned out if my boss didn’t emphatically express his confidence in me when I needed to hear it the most.

Why do we remember innocuous events, sounds or sights that we’ve experienced in our lifetime? I believe it is because they all fill the foundation of who we are, what we believe in, and how we think we should handle ourselves. These factors become even more important as we grow older and are tasked with guiding others. We have the innate ability to raise people up, or inadvertently bring them down. Perhaps those in leadership positions would alter their words and actions if they knew the impact that they had on others…

Four simple words changed my life and the lives of several other people. That is just one example of how the little things matter. We all have the opportunity to make a difference, but how many of us seize that opportunity? The overriding question is will you???

One advantage of posting your own blogs is the freedom to express your own thoughts, ideas, and opinions based on your life experiences. Having spent 30 years as a law enforcement officer and 5 years in the corporate world, I have the firm belief that first responders generally make better leaders. There are always exceptions to that rule, but rather than simply throw that personal belief out there…I will back up my view with observations and facts.

Challenges come in different varieties and how those challenges are confronted will shape a person. Life experience is tough to compete with, but what those experiences consist of truly matter. I will be the first to admit that there are some outstanding leaders in the corporate world and small business. They have studied their craft and they treat people well, and focus on the problem at hand while searching for viable solutions. Having the right perspective and the yearning for learning are incredibly important attributes for good leaders.

Let’s circle back on my assertion that first responders generally make better leaders. Those who serve or served in law enforcement, the military, paramedics, or firefighters are hardwired to help others. They endure more traumatic events in a week than most people will witness in their lifetime. That gives them a different perspective on life and how they want to deal with conflict. Cops run towards the trouble and danger when others run away. Firefighters enter the burning buildings as others jump out the windows. Soldiers face danger and often death while suppressing fear and rising to the challenge. Paramedics hold lives in their hands and often see those lives slip through them because there is nothing they can do. It is an old adage, but unless you have walked in their shoes…you can’t adequately visualize their journey.

First responders appreciate everything that they have because they deal with so many people who have so little. They are trained not to panic and to stay calm in very stressful situations. This too comes with experience and knowledge. Imagine suffering a medical issue and having a paramedic say, “Well, there isn’t much I can do for you”. That would not help the problem…or you!

There is always stress when working in the corporate environment, or if you own your own business. I transitioned to a corporate job after being a cop for 30 years and I was surprised with some of the decision making processes and leadership that I encountered. It wasn’t that I didn’t work with some good people…but I believe that we had different perspectives. I was trained and used to looking at the big picture and thinking about how decisions would impact the overall problem 5 steps down the road. Some of my coworkers or supervisors would seem stressed over an issue that seemed pretty insignificant to me. As I told some of them, until you’ve had to tell the parents of a teenager that their child took their own life, you don’t know what stress is.

First responders serve their communities, states, or this nation. They have an innate ability to stand tall during the toughest times. They usually have great communication and problem solving skills because they need them to perform their duties effectively. People like this could be a huge asset to any company willing to give them a chance, while appreciating and accepting that “different” perspective that they may have. They can be a bit stubborn or outspoken because of what they have experienced, but they will also be brutally honest. Isn’t that something that should be encouraged and sought after in any environment? Great leaders want to be challenged and first responders can do that while being completely supportive and loyal to the cause.

Tell me I’m wrong…Again, this is my general belief, but there are always exceptions to the rule.

Accountability is a key component to leadership, but placing the blame on others for failure has become commonplace in today’s society. You need look no further than our elected officials if you doubt what I am saying. I have always felt that political candidates are fantastic people when they’re running for office, but things change quickly once they’re elected. They become hostages to their “party” and have to tow the line, or they risk not getting elected again. Many will do whatever it takes to maintain the perceived power and influence they have over their “constituents”. There are always exceptions to that rule, but this is true in most cases.

I encourage everyone to really listen when politicians speak. They can talk for 10 minutes and say absolutely nothing that means anything. When was the last time you heard an elected official stand in front of a microphone and accept responsibility for something going wrong? This is not a biased political post…I attribute this theory to those from all political affiliations.

It is always easy to point the finger at someone else when things go wrong, or goals are not reached. This is not leadership, but this is happening too often!!!

Lack of accountability is spreading like wildfire across the country and that has contributed to continuous political failures, an increase in crime, and the perception of infallibility among those who choose to commit crimes. There is little deterrent for someone who victimizes others and is immediately released from jail as a result of “no cash bail” policies. Who creates these ill advised policies or laws that fail to adequately protect our citizens from violent and often repeat offenders? Correct, those same politicians who are quick to blame others for their failures. These policies may not impact you unless or until you or a loved one is a victim of a crime…

We are legalizing drugs, which tells our children that they must be okay…while we lament the loss of thousands to lethal overdoses each year. Who is to blame for this epidemic? You could point your finger in so many directions including, but not limited to political messaging, lack of border security, police staffing and budget cuts, inadequate rehab facilities, soft on crime policies…and I could go on and on and on. That is the point of this blog, why keep pointing fingers? When will people get together to find viable solutions to address these problems? I don’t see it happening anytime soon, but if and when it does, personal accountability will need to be part of the solution. Without it, the finger pointing will continue and more lives will be lost.

We need to right this ship and start holding people accountable for their actions. This can be done in a fair and equitable manner, but this country was built on laws that are supposed to protect our citizens. The inability or unwillingness to enforce our laws will only lead to lawlessness and chaos. This once great nation will crumble if we sit back and allow it to. We are a divided country and only true leaders can bring about a vision and path forward that will sustain and strengthen what our forefathers worked so hard to create.

We all need to stop pointing the finger at others and accept responsibility for the things we can control. If all of us strive to be better leaders and people, perhaps that too will spread. Most of us are not in a position to change the world, but we can certainly change our little corner of it. Stand up, own it, hold yourself and others accountable, and drive on. It can be as simple as that.

Every now and then an individual enters your life and you just know that they’re special. You can’t put your finger on it, but they possess traits that draw you to them. They aren’t superheroes and they’re just humans, but they have certain traits that you aspire to possess yourself. Perhaps it is their openness, vulnerability, or sincere kindness that makes them rise to the top? Having said that, people like this are not necessarily great, or even good leaders…just good people.

I met Trevor Maxwell when he was reporter for a local newspaper in Portland, Maine, sometime around 2007. He was that guy sitting quietly in the rear of a courtroom taking notes during a trial, or calling me to get scoop on a high profile case that he was reporting on. I seldom spoke to the press as the detective supervisor of a local police department because I found that they often twisted my words and used the least flattering quote that I spewed out. Trevor was an exception to that rule. He wasn’t pushy and he respected the position that I was in while investigating serious crimes. I made a living out of judging and testing people, and I did the same with Trevor. I discovered in short order that Trevor was a man of his word and that quality meant a lot to me…and still does.

When I decided to write my own book a few years later, it was Trevor that I called. He had never written a book, but he agreed to help me take my words and stories and turn them into something people might want to read. I was impressed with his patience and professionalism from the start. While we never became best friends, we did get to know and appreciate each other during the journey of finishing the book. 

We didn’t talk often once the book was finished, but I never felt that we had to. He was like an old high school buddy and it was as if we had just spoken, even if months or years had passed. He knew how I felt about him and I knew how he felt about me. I dare say that mutual respect would define our friendship. 

It was sometime in 2019 when Trevor and I connected again and decided to grab lunch. I knew that Trevor had been sick, but I didn’t know the details, nor did I ask. He could tell me what he wanted to tell me when he wanted to. It was during this lunch that Trevor told me that he had been diagnosed with colon cancer. He was so young and it was the last thing that I wanted to hear. He had a wife and two young daughters that he adored, and he was in the prime of his life. I listened while Trevor talked. He explained that he had been in a dark place, but he had finally seen the light. He told me that he was going to form a support group to help men who had been diagnosed with cancer. Despite his illness, Trevor had a spark in his eyes and I had a feeling he would take his newfound passion and put it to work.

Trevor Maxwell was not what I would call an exceptional leader when I first met him. Good guy, yes…leader, not so much. He has taken a bad situation and turned it into a phenomenal success. He has become the epitome of a leader and his goal is to help men who have cancer as well as their caregivers. Man Up To Cancer was launched in January 2020 and there are now hundreds, if not thousands of members across the globe. This group is designed to share information, form bonds, dissolve isolation, and create empowerment. If that isn’t a noble goal for a leader, I don’t know what is.

Trevor recently wrote his own book after years of fighting cancer. Open Heart/Warrior Spirit, A Man’s Guide To Living With Cancer is available now. I am so proud of my friend for fighting and clawing every day, while leading the charge for others who may need help and understanding. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to drive on despite it. I can’t encourage you enough to purchase this book. It is an honest and gut wrenching story of one man and his desire to live, love, and learn as long as possible. I couldn’t put my finger on what made Trevor special when I first met him, but I sure can now. If we have a breath left, we have hope!

https://www.manuptocancer.com/book